Happy New Year (Read: Pass the Aspirin)


I’ve been slacking on my blogging duties lately, I know.  That being said, we all know what December brings: My birthday, Britney Spears’ birthday, Christmas, presents, bad egg nog, New Year’s Eve, and Hangovers.  January–national month of regret–brings swearing off of wine resolutions to avoid that feeling forever (or at least until you forget how pleasant death by slow slicing and waterboarding sounded on January 1).

It was in one of these cheerless and despairing states that a thought struck me: Why does seemingly everyone in the Universe agree wine hangovers are the worst? Not only is this totally unfair since wine is arugably the most attractive, delicious, healthy drink (second to coffee, naturally), science says its plain wrong.

First off, Brandy hangovers are the worst…Kudos to the British Medical Journal. Still curious about the origin of this ghastly stigma, I decided to debunk this unfortunate issue, so we can all be better prepared next time the Sauternes/open bar/mother-in-law’s visit gets the better of us.

One confirmable fact I’ve managed to squeeze out of the plethora of alleged miracle cures is that a type of chemical called “congeners” are a huge culprit when it comes to the headaches/nausea/sadly misused vacation days some of us suffer from.  Essentially, these chemicals are what give certain alcohols their gorgeous color–be it crimson, brown, or green, and in the body they cause and heighten hangover symptoms.

This is why red wine has the stigma it does–being naturally high in congeners, it does cause a rougher morning after than vodka and other clear spirits. Otherwise, all alcohol is created equal–every type dehydrates/strips nutrients/and all that stuff from high school health class.

Remember tomorrow  next time you feel like drinking yourself into oblivion, hit the whites–but regardless wine is NOT the worst.

The Hangover Uncorked

Watch Out: Just because sparkling wine is white doesn’t mean it’s any less harsh on your sad self–tests have shown the carbonation makes things worse.

Laura’s Favorite cure: Raw carrots.  Bizarre I know, but full of good vitamins which some agree are a must.  Diner food is second best.

Other tips: Avoid sugary drinks, mixing alcohol types, and cheap well liquor (you are worth more than anything in a plastic handle!) 

Iwhen you find yourself hungover (again):

1.Get some tylenol from Brazil, or someplace like it, where triple strength is available over the counter.

2.Find a friend/sister/mother/vomiting pregnant woman to share some prescription anti-nausea drugs with you.

Your boss/grandmother/religious officiant will have no idea you were out cavorting all night (read: Victory).

 

  • January 2, 2012
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